I really blew it and need help...please advise with advice...?

I have not always been the straightest shooter with my wife, whom I love on many levels....but I was caught yesterday on the phone with someone whom I answered a personal ad from...and she ws rightfully furious.





I haven't had an affair with that person or anyone else since marriage, but I have had some dust ups regarding lying, moving money from bank accounts, etc..and I also admitted to going 'massage' parlos, too.





I am deep in the dog house and realize that I have hit bottom. I would much rather be with my wife and daughter than with anyone else, even thought there are some things my wife doesn't give me (physial intimacy for one)...





How should I proceed given that I could be shown the door at any moment????I really blew it and need help...please advise with advice...?
You crossed a major boundary. You took big steps over the line on your way to betraying your wife and having an affair. Your actions showed intent, even if you didn't get there yet.





You betrayed her trust. Now, you have the long, hard journey of earning back that trust. Why should your wife believe your words that you had not gone any further, especially since you admit you have a pattern of lies.





Own this behavior completely. No excuses or placing blame on someone else. The choice was yours and yours alone. You gave yourself an excuse in the short statement you gave with your question. Don't think your wife will appreciate those kinds of comments. Nor will she appreciate you down playing your 'massage' visits, that was a major betrayal.





Most women have a strong emotional need to feel secure to feel loved. Ever wonder if it has been YOUR history of deception that have caused problems with intimacy with your wife? Meet her needs and it may really help YOU get your needs met also.





Radical, compassionate honesty is necessary to rebuild trust. Make your life an open book, share your life with your wife, no secrets. Be accountable for your time. Let your wife see that you are doing the right things. No quick fix, you damaged trust and it will take time to earn it.





Look into finding a counselor for yourself. Work on building stronger personal boundaries. Show your wife that you are working on improving yourself. Just saying you will doesn't mean much right now, and that you can blame on yourself.





Together, work on meeting each others emotional needs. I'm sure your behavior has not left your wife feeling loved over the years.





http://marriagebuilders.com/





http://aftertheaffair.net/I really blew it and need help...please advise with advice...?
It sounds as if you aren't serious about your marriage at all. You sound very deceitful and full of games. How would you feel if she did all of those things to you? You don't seem as if your wife and daughter mean very much to you, because you jeopardize them on a regular basis. If you had issues with her (physical intimacy), you should have gone to her about it instead of acting as a child and sneaking around. COLD BUSTED and rightfully so! If your wife has the mercy to stick around with you, you need to GROW THE **** UP and stop whining about it when you get caught. You made your own idiotic bed....deal with the consequences! MAN UP!
Men complain about lack of intimacy but you often fail to realize that your actions cause this...





It sounds like you need to get your sh*t straight and become a better man before your family washes down the drain.





Tell her that you are sorry and WILL make it work and that you will do anything to make it better...





Also tell her that you have learned your lesson and maybe she will accept it as the truth or yet as another lie...





Good luck.
Couples counseling ASAP. You've taken the first step by admitting you need help and have a problem. Believe in yourself and marriage. Tell you family you love them and want their help.
Change your life for the better. For yourself and them. Yes, it is rightful for your wife not wanting to have physical intimacy with you, cause she can't trust you. Yes, you have done good on admitting your problem. Don't make any verbal promises to them. Just do the mental and physical cleaning up. How would you feel if it were her that done this, you would have been just upset as she is.
I have made some big mistakes (financial) with my wife.. you have to truly realize your priorities and talk to her about it.. reasons why, what you were/are feeling and so on... don't expect to be forgiven any time quick.. you need to make a large effort to correct any problems %26amp; make it happen.. you need to realize with-in your self of why you do these things.. not sure if you have any reasons you can think of.. it is really hard to catch up...
do you go to church? Go talk to your pastor, preacher, priest, and then ask forgiveness from your wife. She may not right away...





GO SEEK COUNSELING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't you think that there is a reason she won't be intimate with you? Maybe because she doesn't trust you? You are going to have to show her in CONCRETE ways that you really mean to stick around. Otherwise she just isn't going to believe it and isn't going to try to help make things better...you have a lot of work to do.
Sorry bud. That would've been the last straw for me. You took it from lying about finances to impersonal happy ending massages to now meeting actual women from ads. I'd drop you right this second. You pushed it too far.





How should you proceed? Hire an attorney, look for an apartment? There is no rebounding from this. You gambled %26amp; you lost. Wonder what else you've done that she HASN'T found out about?
Drop the act and go see a therapist now before it's too late. Tell her that you are seeing yourself on the road to throwing away the most important thing that you have. Be honest with YOURSELF and with her. If she sees you making an effort to fix yourself, maybe just MAYBE she won't kick you to the curb. Good luck, man.
well next time do not get caught so u don't end up in the dog house! lol.. hey u got to get what u got to get to be happy in life and if your wife does not give u the one thing to make u happy then u have every right to get it! just be careful!
hopefully for her own good and her daughters good she leaves you.


you should have thought of them before you saticfied your sexual needs. you are insecure and a woman knows when she is being mistreated. maybe you dont saticfy her in bed and you have to go elsewhere.


SO SAD!
All you can do is beg and yet realize she probably is going to show to the door and you will need to respect her choice in that.
She isn't intimiate with you because your a cheater maybe if you went and got checked for std's that would be a start your a pig she should've showed you the door a long time ago.
yeah u blew it!


it takes a whole lot a ';I'm sorry';s to make up for that mess


write to Dr. Phil and ask for help


tell her u will go to counseling to fix things
maybe suggest marriage councling and tell her what you are lacking from your marriage.. communication in marriage is key!
Think next time before you do something stupid again.
OMG i'd leave ur *** im a heart beat? asian parlor? that asian ones??? '; hunni u want a happy ending with you body shampoo'; sucky suck 5 dolla hunni!
Repent. Accept Christ. She may not forgive you immediately, but he will.





God bless.
You are not a good person
just start packin
wow....u must prove urself thats all u can do!
Hi... The best thing I can suggest for you to do. Is be VERY nice to your wife. She has every reason to be mad. I think 2nd thing should be to let her know that NO, you have not yet had an affair. (if that is true) And that you only love %26amp; want to be with her. It sounds like it would be hard to believe since you have been so dishonest. But, also let her know the reasons why (whatever they may be) that made you do all this in 1st place! She deserves some answers! If in fact it is an intimacy problem the only way it can be fixed it to talk about it. Then actions will follow ya know...Well, hope this helps.
You have to appologize like you never have before. But only if you truly are sorry and are willing to change your ways. Hopefully you are not just sorry you got caught. No one deserves this from their spouse. This can be worked through but you have to realize its going to take A LONG time for her to trust you again and she is going to be mad for quite a while. It will get brought up over and over again and you have to be willing to deal with that. A concellation to what you have done. If you don't think you can remain in good faith to your wife then you need to let her go. Its not fair to her or your daughter. Sometimes it takes a screw up like this to realize what is important and to fix things. I have been there before and its tough...the grass is NEVER greener. Maybe seek out some councelling to to find out what could be making you act out this way..maybe if your wife is gracious enough she will go to and try to work past this with you. Be prepared for a long and bumpy road.


You must address the issues that are causing you to go else where and you must talk to your wife about your need for intimacy..Be honest about everything..your need and want to fix things. Maybe she will consider..You need to become the husband she always needed..Romance, spontanaety..etc...Start with some flowers and a LONG appology..


Good luck..I hope you can fix things!
I think you need to apologize to your wife BIG TIME. Tell her like it is.





Is it the thrill of the chase with the personal ad person? If so, make your wife the object of your chase. Try www.bringbackthespark.com (quick smart!) for ideas on bringing your marriage back from the brink! They will give you regular suggestions on ways to have a loving relationship with your wife. It doesn't cost much, but can really help you out and make your marriage what you really want it to be - even the intimacy side.





Treasure what you have, and build on it - it's not that hard with the right help. Good luck.